I didn’t want to reduce the amount of food I was eating.
Many of my friends said,
“you are thin enough now.”
However, I didn’t feel I was thin enough. I was obsessed with that number of my ideal weight.
During my summer vacation 2021, I stayed home most of the time because of the corona virus pandemic. I was thinking about my childhood. I grew up near a temple and often talked to the monks. My grandmother and great grandmother were working there, too.
All of them said
“we can have true happiness when we stop chasing what we don’t have.”
I didn’t understand what that meant when I was a child, but now I do.
I was always chasing something. I was always jealous of someone. I was always desperate and lost. I sometimes reached to my goal, but then I always found another target to chase soon. I never felt satisfied. My life was hollow.
I always say,
“you don’t have to be perfect to use English,”
but I was trying to be perfect in another area. I was trying to be perfectly thin.
You know what? I don’t try to be perfect any more. Instead, I try to be satisfied with what I have and who I am.
When I realized that, my stubborn weight suddenly dropped down. All I needed was to be free. Free from insatiable feelings.